I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
