There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The best revenge is premature balding
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
