i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
