All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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