Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
