I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
