i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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