You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
