Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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