My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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