About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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