my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.