why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
