weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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