bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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