Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
