so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
