just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
