Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
