If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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