then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Drunk is not a location!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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