My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
