On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
