Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
