i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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