once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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