Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize