I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
