This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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