my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
