I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
