i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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