insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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