break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
