Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Randomize
