No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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