Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
