we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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