Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
