you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm bleeding and have questions
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
