he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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