my mouth tastes like poor choices
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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