i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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