if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
