I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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