I wish I could teleport
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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