We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
