i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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