I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
