Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
