She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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