Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
