I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
sex in a hospital.. check
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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