I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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