Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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