Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
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I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
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i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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