Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
