the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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