I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
