i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
