I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
