does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
