Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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