did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
