I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
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Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
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Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there