i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.