People in love make me want to vomit
I'm passing your future prison.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.