he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
