I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
