Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
