So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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