I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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